Issue 17: Today’s Brew: Empathy vs. Sympathy—And Why the Difference Matters

☕ Brewed for Leaders Who Care

Espresso & Empathy — Issue 17

By: Shannon Foster

Founder & Senior Consultant, Martin & Foster Consulting

June 25, 2025

In leadership, words matter. And few words are as misunderstood—or as misused—as empathy and sympathy. They’re not the same, and in high-trust workplaces, knowing the difference can shape the way we lead, listen, and respond.

One builds connection.

The other can unintentionally create distance.

Let’s break it down—and explore why emotionally intelligent leaders always aim for empathy first.

What’s the Difference?

Sympathy says: “I feel bad for you.”

It often comes from a place of caring, but it’s emotionally distant. Sympathy places us outside the experience. We observe, we acknowledge, but we don’t step into it.

Empathy says: “I’m trying to understand what this feels like for you.”

It’s an act of presence, not pity. Empathy seeks to connect to someone’s feelings without judgment, without comparison, and without needing to solve or fix.

The key?

Empathy joins. Sympathy separates.

Why It Matters in Leadership

Sympathy may soothe the surface. But empathy builds trust.

When an employee is overwhelmed, frustrated, or struggling—what they need most isn’t a quick “I’m sorry” or a dismissive “That must be hard.” They need to feel seen. Understood. Respected.

And when we respond with empathy, we create psychological safety: The foundation for retention, engagement, and high-performing teams.

Sympathy can accidentally imply hierarchy—“you poor thing”—while empathy communicates shared humanity: “I’m here with you, and I care enough to try to understand.”

In emotionally intelligent leadership, empathy:

• Builds connection and trust

• Creates space for vulnerability and honesty

• Opens the door to problem-solving, without rushing to “fix” the person

What Empathy Sounds Like

• “That sounds incredibly difficult. I appreciate you sharing that.”

• “I can imagine how that might feel overwhelming. How can I support you right now?”

• “It makes sense that you’d feel that way.”

These phrases validate emotion without absorbing blame, especially important when leaders aren’t the cause of the upset—but still want to hold space.

Empathy is not about agreeing.

It’s about honoring their perspective.

Where Sympathy Falls Short

• “I know exactly how you feel. That happened to me once…”

• “At least it’s not worse.”

• “You’ll be fine.”

These statements—often well-meaning—shut down the conversation. They shift focus away from the speaker’s emotional experience and minimize what they’re expressing.

Sympathy often rushes to comfort, when what people need is connection.

At Martin and Foster Consulting

We coach leaders to respond with empathy, not reflex.

In our trust-building, coaching, and communication programs, we teach:

• How to be present without over-identifying

• How to validate without enabling or taking responsibility

• How to listen deeply without needing to fix or take on the emotional load

Because the most powerful thing a leader can say is:

“I hear you. I’m here.”

When people feel truly understood, they don’t just feel better—they show up better.

Final Thoughts

In a world full of quick fixes and surface responses, empathy is a leadership superpower.

Let’s lead in a way that doesn’t just acknowledge the pain—but truly honors the person experiencing it.

Because doing the right thing isn’t always about solutions.

Sometimes, it’s about sitting in the discomfort long enough to say: “I’m with you.”