Issue 20: Today’s Brew: When Positivity Becomes Pressure

☕ Brewed for Leaders Who Care

Espresso & Empathy — Issue 20

By: Shannon Foster

Founder & Senior Consultant, Martin & Foster Consulting

July 16, 2025

We’ve all heard it in the workplace:

“Just stay positive.”

“Let’s not dwell on the negative.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

These phrases are often well-intentioned—but in some workplaces, they’ve become the only acceptable response. The result? A culture of toxic positivity—where optimism is forced, problems are ignored, and emotions that don’t fit the “good vibes only” narrative are pushed aside.

True leadership doesn’t mean avoiding hard truths—it means creating space for people to bring their full, authentic selves to work. That includes their frustrations, fears, and challenges.

Because real trust isn’t built through perfection—it’s built through honesty.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that denies, minimizes, or invalidates authentic emotional experiences—especially difficult ones.

In the workplace, it might sound like:

• “Let’s not bring the mood down with that.”

• “We only want solution-focused people here.”

• “Negativity is not welcome.”

What’s the impact?

Employees begin to self-censor, disengage, and lose trust. They stop raising concerns, avoid sharing honest feedback, and feel emotionally isolated—even in team settings.

The Risk to Culture and Connection

Leaders often promote positivity to maintain morale—but when positivity becomes a requirement, it can send the message:

Only “approved” emotions are welcome here.

This leads to:

• Psychological suppression – Employees feel unsafe expressing disappointment, grief, frustration, or fatigue.

• Disconnection – Colleagues feel alone in their struggles, which diminishes empathy and support.

• Inauthentic engagement – Teams appear fine on the surface, but real issues simmer below, unaddressed.

Leading with Authentic Optimism

At Martin and Foster Consulting, we believe in empathetic leadership—which means honoring the full spectrum of human emotion, not just the comfortable ones.

Empathy isn’t about wallowing in the hard stuff.

It’s about acknowledging reality and choosing how we respond—with honesty, support, and clarity.

Here’s how emotionally intelligent leaders foster real positivity without silencing truth:

5 Ways to Replace Toxic Positivity with Authentic Connection

1. Make Room for the Full Story

Create space for employees to talk about what’s hard. Allow meetings, 1:1s, and check-ins to include personal check-ins or emotional truth—without trying to fix it immediately.

2. Validate Without Taking On

You don’t need to solve every problem to show support. A simple: “That sounds tough. I’m really glad you shared that,” builds more trust than “Just hang in there!”

3. Promote Problem-Solving After Processing

Help employees move forward after they feel heard. Don’t rush to “solutions-only” thinking before acknowledging emotions.

4. Model Emotional Honesty

When leaders admit when they’re having a tough day or navigating something personal, they signal that authenticity is safe here—not just performance.

5. Shift from “Good Vibes Only” to “All Vibes Welcome”

Create an environment where people can be real—without fear of being labeled negative or difficult. Honesty isn’t a liability; it’s a leadership strength.

A Leadership Self-Audit: Check Your Positivity Pulse

Ask yourself:

• Do I dismiss discomfort with encouragement before fully listening?

• Have I unintentionally made my team feel they need to “stay positive” even in difficult times?

• When someone shares something hard, do I try to fix it—or first honor it?

• Do my team meetings allow room for vulnerability and truth?

• Do I reward authenticity—or just compliance?

If any of these gave you pause—good. That pause is where leadership begins.

Final Thoughts

True leadership is not about keeping everyone happy.

It’s about keeping everyone human—valued, heard, and supported, even in hard times.

In the face of uncertainty, collective grief, or personal struggle, real leaders don’t default to “cheer up.” They lean in with empathy. They choose presence over pressure.

And in doing so, they build cultures where trust grows, not just smiles.