Issue 38: When an Employee Believes You’re the Enemy

☕ Brewed for Leaders Who Care

Espresso & Empathy — Issue 38

By: Anita Martin

Principal Consultant, Martin & Foster Consulting

November 19, 2025

Let’s Talk: When Perception Becomes the Barrier

If you’ve led people long enough, you’ve likely experienced it: an employee who believes you are “out to get them.”

Even with fair processes, consistent communication, and good intentions, some individuals still interpret accountability as personal attack. It is one of the most emotionally challenging moments in leadership—and it is exactly the moment where empathy is most important.

Empathy does not mean agreeing with their perception.

It means caring enough to understand where it comes from.

When people feel targeted, they aren’t responding from logic—they’re responding from fear. Your job isn’t to win an argument; it’s to lower the emotional temperature so clarity can emerge.

Start with Curiosity, Not Combat

When someone believes you are against them, defensiveness will only reinforce their perception. Instead, approach with calm curiosity.

Ask questions that open the door to understanding:

• “Help me understand what is making you feel that way.”

• “What has happened that led you to that conclusion?”

• “What would help you feel heard and supported?”

These questions communicate respect. They give the employee a safe place to share their experience—without signaling agreement.

Their perception is their reality. Your empathy helps reshape it.

Rebuild Trust Through Transparency

Empathy creates connection. Transparency sustains it.

If the issue is performance, behavior, or conduct, be direct and fact-based. Provide specific examples, timelines, and expectations.

Share your process openly:

“Here is what I am seeing. Here is how I am approaching it. And here is what success would look like going forward.”

Over time, consistency becomes its own reassurance. Trust is often rebuilt quietly—through steadiness, clarity, and follow-through.

Keep Integrity at the Center

Even when someone misreads your intent, your leadership must remain grounded. You cannot control how someone perceives you—but you can absolutely control how you lead them through the tension.

Empathy means holding space for their feelings while standing firm in truth.

Fairness is not passive. It is demonstrated in calm tone, consistent standards, and the courage to stay steady even when misunderstood.

At Martin and Foster Consulting, we teach leaders that empathy does not require agreement—it requires dignity.

Leadership Self-Audit: How Do You Respond When Your Motives Are Questioned?

Ask yourself:

• Do I become defensive when someone misinterprets my intent?

• Have I communicated expectations clearly and consistently?

• Does my tone reflect empathy, even during difficult conversations?

• Am I leading from fairness, or from frustration?

• Do I model consistency—especially when trust feels strained?

Your answers reveal not just emotional intelligence, but the strength of your leadership foundation.

Final Thoughts

When an employee believes you’re the enemy, it can feel personal. But leadership in these moments is not about proving you are right—it is about proving you are fair.

Empathy does not mean backing away from accountability. It means seeing the fear behind the reaction. It means staying grounded, transparent, and steady. It means leading with integrity even when trust is fragile.

Because fairness, delivered with empathy, builds the kind of trust that lasts.