Issue 15: Today’s Brew is Empathy with Boundaries—When (and Why) Empathy Isn’t Always the Answer
☕ Brewed for Leaders Who Care
Espresso & Empathy — Issue 15
By: Shannon Foster
Founder & Senior Consultant, Martin & Foster Consulting
June 11, 2025
Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in a leader’s toolbox—but like any tool, it’s only effective when used at the right time, in the right way.
At Martin and Foster Consulting, we teach that emotionally intelligent leadership requires more than kindness—it demands discernment. And sometimes, that means recognizing when empathy isn’t the right move.
When Empathy Isn’t the Answer
Empathy allows us to connect, to understand, to support. But when misapplied, empathy can become a crutch—or worse, a cover—for behavior that needs to be addressed.
It’s not leadership when:
Empathy becomes an excuse for poor performance
Challenging conversations are avoided in the name of compassion
One employee’s personal circumstances repeatedly outweigh the needs of the team
Empathy is not the same as enabling. And confusing the two can quietly erode standards, fairness, and team morale.
Support Isn’t the Same as Excuse
Understanding why someone is struggling is important. But that understanding doesn’t absolve them of responsibility. The best leaders don’t ignore the story—they listen to it and still hold people accountable for the outcome.
Consider these examples:
A team member frequently misses deadlines due to personal stress
A high performer dismisses others’ input because they’re “under pressure”
An employee consistently disrupts meetings but claims burnout as a shield
These are moments that call for empathy with boundaries—not empathy without consequences.
When Leaders Must Draw the Line
You may need to rethink the application of empathy when:
It creates inconsistency in enforcing expectations
It enables repeat behavior without growth
It sacrifices team trust for the comfort of one individual
It delays honest feedback or performance coaching
Empathy should guide how you deliver feedback—not whether you deliver it at all.
The Right Way to Pair Empathy and Accountability
The most effective leaders use empathy to connect—but they use structure to lead. Here’s how:
Acknowledge the emotion: “I hear that you’re overwhelmed, and that matters.”
Clarify expectations: “And it’s also important we address how this is impacting the team.”
Stay consistent: “We’ll support you—and we need to see progress.”
Empathy doesn’t mean you lower the bar. It means you help people rise to meet it.
What We Teach at Martin and Foster Consulting
At Martin and Foster Consulting, we work with leaders to build cultures of clarity, trust, and integrity. Our leadership development programs focus on:
Setting clear expectations
Holding high standards without losing humanity
Balancing emotional intelligence with firm leadership
We believe that real empathy doesn’t avoid accountability—it invites it.
Leadership Self-Audit
Ask yourself:
Have I allowed empathy to delay a difficult conversation?
Have I unintentionally created a double standard?
Do I consistently follow up when promises to improve are made?
If you’re leading with heart—great. But don’t forget to lead with honesty too.
Final Thoughts
Empathy should never be a reason to avoid the truth.
Leadership is about making space for humanity without compromising responsibility.
So the next time you feel the urge to empathize, pause and ask:
“Is this helping them grow—or protecting them from what they need to hear?”
When used wisely, empathy is a bridge to accountability—not a bypass around it.